Dong, Shlong, Tits & Ass

Don't get too excited. I haven't decided to make this into a x-rated blog. One of the joys of my job is that I deal with clearances and standards & practices concerns when it comes to our scripts.

Yes I act as the script police.

And on the show I work for, we reference porn in almost every episode. The show's got a lotta horny men in it, what can I say.

In fact I deal with porn so much, the art department coordinator and I have dubbed the area where our desks reside as porn alley.

There's even a box of remote control playthings under one of the desks that one of the big porn congloms donated for our use on the show. To be returned, of course, at the end of the season.

Our art department coordinator keeps the box closed at all times. One of the reasons for this is because otherwise we'd have people looking at the goodies all day - as we had before she kept the box closed. The other is because apparently our cleaning person is a Jehovah's Witness and might have a stroke if she saw what we kept in said box.

On Wednesday I had a lovely conversation with a network exec about a scene that didn't "exist." The script hadn't been officially released to the studio and the network, but since we were filming the non-existent scene on Friday, I had to check and make sure the above listed words wouldn't get us in hot water.

So I got to read the "hypothetical" scene over the phone to the understanding gentleman on the other line.

Luckily they were all cleared for use. Then it was a matter of finding whether Shlong and Dong (titles abbreviated to protect the innocent) are real porn titles and if we could get said titles in time for Friday's shoot. Otherwise we'd have to "fake" it. Meaning the actor would hold a product other than the real one but we'd shoot it in a way where you couldn't tell it wasn't the real DVD.

See one of the joys of clearances is if you mention a product on screen and want to show said product, you actually have to be holding said product. If you aren't, it means you are misrepresenting the product - a big expensive no no.

For example last year, the main character improv'd a line about drinking a Caramel Frappuccino. But he was holding a generic coffee cop. Starbucks has Frappuccino trademarked so we had to go in and have the actor dub the line as Caramel Cappuccino.

Fun.

Anyway I finally got a literal moment to ask my boss about my being on set again. He said I was to stay in the office "for now." And so it goes...

Brainstorming some ideas. Hope to have at least an outline by the end of this week. At least. Everyone says I should use my free time at work to write, but I end up getting distracted. Once distracted, the train my ideas were on usually derails. Never to be righted again.

So it will be a challenge. But a good challenge. I need a goal. I need a deadline. Otherwise I simply flounder about without purpose or direction.

My dreams have been haunted with thoughts of my ex-fiance. Its been quite some time since we broke up. I don't know what's causing him to haunt my sleep.

Filming's been pushed till Friday. This is because the 2nd script (we shoot two at at time) didn't arrive until late last night and needs some work. Not to mention, even if it was in perfect condition, trying to prep an hour long show in oh about two days is basically impossible.

Our 1st AD (Assistant Director) was literally moaning all day while breaking down the script and trying to schedule it. His 2nd AD said he sounded like a woman having bad cramps. It was kinda funny the first time. The fifth time around however the horse was thoroughly beaten into dust.

On an up note, I think I put my foot firmly in the door on possibly writing for the show. I have no illusions I'll get a script assignment, but maybe I'll be lucky enough to help tweak some dialogue or even a scene! Who knows. I've been asked to write a spec for the show. I've been mulling over what to write since this show carries more characters than ER, but I know I can do it! (she says while nervously picking at her fingers)

With filming pushed an extra two days away, that gives me some extra time to talk with boss man about my status on set. Last I talked with our Assistant Unit Production Manager, she said he'd been inundated with comments about how well I was doing in the office. Apparently he's also pleased with my work and doesn't see why he should change things. Great. Sigh. Another six months of sitting in this God forsaken office. Well at least it should give me time to write - if I can shake these dreaded doldrums away.

Haha, also my boss - whom everyone loves - showed his not so nice side today in front of a bunch of people. He got all uppity with me about something that was totally not my fault and I in fact fixed. The other staffers were quick to thank me for my help after my boss belittled me. I got the impression they were rather shocked at his behavior.

Later on, after the meeting was over, one of them came over and said "Well that's a side of boss man we've never seen before." I was feeling kinda bitter at the moment so I replied with "Really, he's like that all the time with me. That's nothing new." To which the startled staffer said "Oh, well you must handle it well."

As if I have any other choice. Silly silly staffer.