Saturday, March 29, 2003

Another rainy day in the otherwise "lovely" area known as Bergen County. I'm sitting here listening to my boyfriend snore in the bedroom. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who thinks of this as an annoying habit. Poking, yelling, and elbowing don't seem to deter the noise he makes whilst sleeping. I always thought it was so bright in California - too sunny and glaring for the eyes - and I reveled in the few grayish days we had in Los Angeles. But being back in the land of seldom sun, I miss the brightness of those days. Leaving my apartment and just knowing it would be a good day when I saw the mountain as I drove up Sierra Bonita towards Sunset. Winding around Cahuenga, feeling the cool air blow through my windows. The air conditioning of work always saved me from the dry heat of the rest of the day, but those early mornings and late evenings were peaceful and cool. Almost perfect. I miss it more than words can describe.

My dog lays at my feet while I type this. She's become much more attached to me since losing her precious eyesight. I don't know what's worse watching her slip into depression or knowing all the things I let her miss out on seeing with those beautiful brown eyes. Those brown eyes will never be seen again. Her pupils have dilated until the color is a faint circle surrounding them and a slight shadow is thrown across the whole picture. Something I'm told will worsen as time goes on. I do the only thing that truly helps - I provide her with love. Hugs when she's happy, rubs when she's sad, and comfort when she gets disorientated. If only I knew this would happen, but can I really say it would've made a long term difference in the quality of care she's gotten - I'll never find out.