I'm wallowing a bit.

Today is the second day of filming on the tv show.

And I'm not on set.

I don't know when I'll be on set.

I was told Friday evening at 6P that I'm being kept in the office - for at least the next 2-4 weeks - maybe longer.

The day before - on Thursday - I found out I was officially the script coordinator/writer's assistant on the show. This is in addition to my normal functions.

I was ecstatic.

Now I'm seriously depressed.

I can't do the functions of this particular job - which on most shows I would need to stay in the office - on this one however I need to be on set - while at this desk.

This desk I've been chained to since we stopped filming last August.

I'm hoping this is only temporary.

Right now all I can think of is what I gave up to take this job. The pay cut, the loss of benefits, vacation time, sick time, etc. The loss of sleep. The oodles of money I put out to create my own mobile office for being on set, the new clothes for whatever Mother Nature throws our way, for what now. I don't need any of it.

What was the point of giving me a blackberry - I haven't used it since I got it and I have to return it in about a month.

All I keep thinking about is how I wish I was on set - I feel like I've experienced some heady loss. And yes I know I'm being overly dramatic but this year has not been so good so far. This was something I'd been looking forward to for eight months so to have it ripped from me - even if only temporarily - is a major blow.