I've been published. I wish I could feel more excited. I should be esctatic. But all that's sticking with me as of this exact moment is for all the well wishes and congrats and great comments I've gotten - I had to call my own family to see if they'd bothered to even read the email I sent with the link to where my story resides and to find out not only that they had bothered but were too busy or just didn't care enough to send their congrats to me too.

They fucking suck. Some days I wish I could just walk away from them completely, but then I'd never see my nieces & nephews and I know that would suck worse.

Still working on the spec script - halfway thru Act Two.

I'm considering entering some stories I've written into the Writer's Digest contest.

I need to get back into the writing groove.

Also I'm moving!

Can't wait - I'm so sick of where I live right now. I had been looking into buying a condo - what a fiasco that was - give me another couple of years and a serious raise - then I'll consider it again.

I sign the lease on my new place in the morning.

Some days, like today, I feel bad about how much I bitch about my boss.

Considering all things he's a very nice guy.

He lets me be. He doesn't hound me about my work. He trusts me to complete the tasks I have before me.

All in all not a bad guy.

He even extended my pay on the movie for four weeks.

It could be much worse.

I'll try to remember all this the next time he talks to me like I'm an idiot in front of a group of people. =)

But seriously, I think I'm pretty lucky.

Dong, Shlong, Tits & Ass

Don't get too excited. I haven't decided to make this into a x-rated blog. One of the joys of my job is that I deal with clearances and standards & practices concerns when it comes to our scripts.

Yes I act as the script police.

And on the show I work for, we reference porn in almost every episode. The show's got a lotta horny men in it, what can I say.

In fact I deal with porn so much, the art department coordinator and I have dubbed the area where our desks reside as porn alley.

There's even a box of remote control playthings under one of the desks that one of the big porn congloms donated for our use on the show. To be returned, of course, at the end of the season.

Our art department coordinator keeps the box closed at all times. One of the reasons for this is because otherwise we'd have people looking at the goodies all day - as we had before she kept the box closed. The other is because apparently our cleaning person is a Jehovah's Witness and might have a stroke if she saw what we kept in said box.

On Wednesday I had a lovely conversation with a network exec about a scene that didn't "exist." The script hadn't been officially released to the studio and the network, but since we were filming the non-existent scene on Friday, I had to check and make sure the above listed words wouldn't get us in hot water.

So I got to read the "hypothetical" scene over the phone to the understanding gentleman on the other line.

Luckily they were all cleared for use. Then it was a matter of finding whether Shlong and Dong (titles abbreviated to protect the innocent) are real porn titles and if we could get said titles in time for Friday's shoot. Otherwise we'd have to "fake" it. Meaning the actor would hold a product other than the real one but we'd shoot it in a way where you couldn't tell it wasn't the real DVD.

See one of the joys of clearances is if you mention a product on screen and want to show said product, you actually have to be holding said product. If you aren't, it means you are misrepresenting the product - a big expensive no no.

For example last year, the main character improv'd a line about drinking a Caramel Frappuccino. But he was holding a generic coffee cop. Starbucks has Frappuccino trademarked so we had to go in and have the actor dub the line as Caramel Cappuccino.

Fun.

Anyway I finally got a literal moment to ask my boss about my being on set again. He said I was to stay in the office "for now." And so it goes...

Brainstorming some ideas. Hope to have at least an outline by the end of this week. At least. Everyone says I should use my free time at work to write, but I end up getting distracted. Once distracted, the train my ideas were on usually derails. Never to be righted again.

So it will be a challenge. But a good challenge. I need a goal. I need a deadline. Otherwise I simply flounder about without purpose or direction.

My dreams have been haunted with thoughts of my ex-fiance. Its been quite some time since we broke up. I don't know what's causing him to haunt my sleep.

Filming's been pushed till Friday. This is because the 2nd script (we shoot two at at time) didn't arrive until late last night and needs some work. Not to mention, even if it was in perfect condition, trying to prep an hour long show in oh about two days is basically impossible.

Our 1st AD (Assistant Director) was literally moaning all day while breaking down the script and trying to schedule it. His 2nd AD said he sounded like a woman having bad cramps. It was kinda funny the first time. The fifth time around however the horse was thoroughly beaten into dust.

On an up note, I think I put my foot firmly in the door on possibly writing for the show. I have no illusions I'll get a script assignment, but maybe I'll be lucky enough to help tweak some dialogue or even a scene! Who knows. I've been asked to write a spec for the show. I've been mulling over what to write since this show carries more characters than ER, but I know I can do it! (she says while nervously picking at her fingers)

With filming pushed an extra two days away, that gives me some extra time to talk with boss man about my status on set. Last I talked with our Assistant Unit Production Manager, she said he'd been inundated with comments about how well I was doing in the office. Apparently he's also pleased with my work and doesn't see why he should change things. Great. Sigh. Another six months of sitting in this God forsaken office. Well at least it should give me time to write - if I can shake these dreaded doldrums away.

Haha, also my boss - whom everyone loves - showed his not so nice side today in front of a bunch of people. He got all uppity with me about something that was totally not my fault and I in fact fixed. The other staffers were quick to thank me for my help after my boss belittled me. I got the impression they were rather shocked at his behavior.

Later on, after the meeting was over, one of them came over and said "Well that's a side of boss man we've never seen before." I was feeling kinda bitter at the moment so I replied with "Really, he's like that all the time with me. That's nothing new." To which the startled staffer said "Oh, well you must handle it well."

As if I have any other choice. Silly silly staffer.

Thanks to all the visitors who took the time to read my story. I haven't written fiction in quite some time and I hope this story provides enough impetus to allow me to finish some other pieces I have at home.

The tv show stopped filming on Friday. We're on a short hiatus. The crew gets time off on these hiatuses - I however don't get to reap this benefit. This is because while we aren't filming anything right now, we are still prepping the next block of episodes. They start filming next Wednesday.

The movie finished filming on Friday - wrap should take a couple of weeks at least. I missed the wrap party and heard mixed reviews on how awesome or horrible it went. Not having been on set, I didn't have an overwhelming urge to trek in and sit watching people I don't know have fun. I'm a bit of a wall flower and don't mingle well with strangers.

My ideal nite is spending time with my sunshine home and in bed - doing unspeakable things to each other and having loads of fun for free - no stress, some muss, but definately no fuss.

As to my ongoing saga of "Will I Ever Make It Back To Set?" - I haven't the foggiest of notions. I probably won't know until Tuesday nite when my boss says as he's leaving - "Oh yea, and be on set tomorrow at 7A." If only I'm so lucky!

What the hay - let's give this a go....

Creative Writing Assignment Courtesy of Shane Nickerson =)

The hotel had passed through several owners since it’s opening. One to the other - each more eager than the next to unload what sounded like a great deal.

The first, second, and third time - no one ever questioned why it was being sold - the price alone made it attractive to any prospective buyers.

But this fourth go around was starting to make people cautious. The price didn't seem so attractive anymore. The rumors had begun and wouldn't be quenched. It seemed the time had come to start advertising outside the normal range.

The ad for the property caught Henry's eye one day. He'd been seeking a place to invest in with his father. A place that would provide a home and a living. His mother's disappearance had haunted him and his father. While no one ever questioned them to their face, the whispers had grown to be more than Henry could bear. Change was a necessity he was willing to shell out their life savings to secure.

Henry convinced his father to buy the place sight unseen. His father's grief overshadowed his ability to put up a fight. He signed his name without even reading the contract.

Henry was overjoyed with his purchase. He didn’t notice what had become blatantly obvious to those who lived in town. This newcomer would learn soon enough, their sad nodding and shaking heads said. It is only a matter of time.

Business was decent. Enough to break even, but not enough to live in style. That was never the point though and Henry was happy for his new surroundings. His father even seemed to come back from the shadows. Interacting with people who didn't know their past made this life more bearable.

Henry hired a photographer to capture them in their high spirits and their new home. To immortalize this moment in their lives in case hard times should hit again. A reminder of how quickly things change - for the better - or so Henry thought.

The desks they'd placed out for a seminar the next night were empty. Not even paper had been placed inside them. Henry and his father posed by the front desk. Proud of their accomplishment and their new life.

The photographer stepped behind his camera. To his eye, he saw just another job.

In the flash of the bulb, Henry and his father's attention was drawn suddenly and harshly to those empty desks. In that flash the lids of the desk flew up and displayed the past they had tried to out run, the harsh truth of where and what had happened to Henry's mother, the ensuing capture of the criminal behind her murder, and the subsequent trial and execution.

Henry saw the glare of his own future and his father saw the true nature of his son.

It was over in an instant. The moment, the slideshow of their past, present, and future. But it was the last time Henry and his father would ever be together.

The hotel went back up for sale. But nowhere in the description was it advertised this peculiar building's ability to read people's souls and show them their fate.

After much procrastination, the dairy farm was finally chosen and filmed for the movie. There were some moments of panic when it looked like our chosen location might not get snow the rest of the year, but a storm swept through there yesterday giving us the window we needed to capture it.

My contact in Wisconsin wanted me to be present for filming, but that was never in the cards. I am still bound to my desk. Its been four weeks since we started filming on the tv show. Boss man had said it would be 2-4 weeks before I'd be out on the tv set, but there are no signs that's the case - even when the movie finishes in April - another 3 weeks from now.

Who knows. I could be wrong, but at this point I refuse to even consider it as a possibility after what happened. I had no reason to think I wouldn't be on set at the start of filming this season till that call from my boss. All signs and indicators pointed to my presence on set - same as last year. Heck when I was hired, I was told the job required me to be on set. Part of what made it so attractive.

That's not to say I haven't been busy - most days are a constant juggling act of different projects for both the movie and the tv show. But I can feel the cloud of depression floating over my head. Regardless of whether its justified by my circumstances or not - its hanging there. Keeping me from getting to work as early as I should. Weighing me down during the day. I wish I could snap myself out of it - I have a job, a job that keeps a roof over my head, but its not the job I had last year. And that's what is really sticking in my head. Its not a job I love anymore and I just don't know how to fix it.

I'm wallowing a bit.

Today is the second day of filming on the tv show.

And I'm not on set.

I don't know when I'll be on set.

I was told Friday evening at 6P that I'm being kept in the office - for at least the next 2-4 weeks - maybe longer.

The day before - on Thursday - I found out I was officially the script coordinator/writer's assistant on the show. This is in addition to my normal functions.

I was ecstatic.

Now I'm seriously depressed.

I can't do the functions of this particular job - which on most shows I would need to stay in the office - on this one however I need to be on set - while at this desk.

This desk I've been chained to since we stopped filming last August.

I'm hoping this is only temporary.

Right now all I can think of is what I gave up to take this job. The pay cut, the loss of benefits, vacation time, sick time, etc. The loss of sleep. The oodles of money I put out to create my own mobile office for being on set, the new clothes for whatever Mother Nature throws our way, for what now. I don't need any of it.

What was the point of giving me a blackberry - I haven't used it since I got it and I have to return it in about a month.

All I keep thinking about is how I wish I was on set - I feel like I've experienced some heady loss. And yes I know I'm being overly dramatic but this year has not been so good so far. This was something I'd been looking forward to for eight months so to have it ripped from me - even if only temporarily - is a major blow.

Dairy farms, snow footage and basketball.

These are the issues I've been dealing with of late - all related to the movie. Exciting stuff indeed.

The first script for the tv show came in this week - only a writers draft but its a start. Still need script two since we shoot two episodes at a time. Sounds bad but its very easy to manage in practice.

I've also been given the ultimate accessory - a blackberry. Part of a product placement deal with the movie. I haven't had much opportunity to use it as yet though.

The movie is keeping a permanent closed set to essential personnel only so I'm relegated to the office while my boss is on location every day.

But once the tv show starts filming in about two weeks, I'm sure my blackberry will become my new best friend since I'll be on set every day.

And I'm back on the movie's payroll. Seems I'll be double-teaming it for the next couple of months.

The boost to my salary, however temporary it may be, is greatly appreciated.

This sign of faith in my abilities is also a much needed boost to my sagging ego.

Maybe I'll end up with that on-screen credit after all! =)

The tv show is officially in pre-production and I'm officially off the movie's payroll.

While the majority of my work is still for the movie, my boss plans to move me over to the tv show full time once scripts start coming in and the start of filming gets closer.

He is considering the idea of my working both projects simultaneously which would mean an increase in my salary for about two and a half months, but I don't know if or how that will work out.

I'll be sad if I don't end up continuing with the movie. Its probably petty, but I was hoping to get a credit. That and I've never worked a feature film before. I was looking forward to the experience.

In the meantime, doing what little work I have each day has been difficult the last two weeks. Major drama on the parental unit front involving the sizable PLUS loan they took out for my education at NYU and some false documents my father refuses to admit he created in the face of indisputable evidence. Couple that with his continuous threats of Sallie Mae coming after my ass if he defaults - which are so not true Sallie Mae sent me something in writing to prove it - and its just been an ugly ugly mess.

Its somewhat resolved, but I don't think the bitter end will happen for some time to come.

It also made crystal clear to me that they don't support what I do for a living. I was told I need to stop "playing games", get a job with benefits and security and become an adult.

Gee mom & dad, you mean all six years of slaving in this industry were nothing but fun and games and I never knew it!?!

How silly of me.

Back from the holiday break. Work is going okay. Trying to shake out the cobwebs that have gathered during my downtime. Seems much busier already and I hope it stays that way. I'm a much happier camper when I'm kept busy at work. Idle hands are most definately the devil's playthings in my world.

My boss got a me a very nice xmas gift. It was such a pleasant surprise to receive my package at home after thinking I had been forgotten. I was glad to be acknowledged after all our ups and downs and would have been thrilled with a simple holiday card. But the present, and iPod Nano, was the icing on my holiday cake.

One of the joys of working near the holidays.

Two weeks off.

But no pay.

Thank God for unemployment.

I'm enjoying the silence at work while I can.

Boss man has about four projects brewing at the moment.

The Feature which starts filming in Jan.  We are in the beginning stages of pre-production right now.  I'm not sure of my exact function yet - although I was told to up my cellphone plan as I will be using it non-stop.

The TV Show which starts pre-production in January - filming in February.  The staff writer I was assisting is becoming a writer/producer.  This may require the hiring of a new staff writer and their own dedicated assistant instead of me.  I personally hope they don't hire their own assistant as the majority of my work on the show was work for the staff writer.

The Re-Make which shoots primarily in Asia but will have a small bit shot in our area.  The producer on this feature wanted my boss to work on this as well, but he has too many kettles on the stove to take it on.  So he's voluntered my services to assist in any way possible.  Lucky me.  Especially as I don't get paid extra for the work.  Boss man wants to stay on this producer's good side so he can work on this guy's next feature which will shoot exclusively around here next Fall.

The long-form commercial.  I know little about this project other than it starts filming around the same time as the Feature.

So come January I should be the proverbial chicken without a head.

I'm employed.

I'm employed.

Happy joyous news.

Just sucked it up late yesterday afternoon.

Went into his office and asked him what my status was after Friday.

He's having me start on the movie and then will probably move me over to the tv show once that starts up.

There is a two and a half month overlap between the two - during that time - depending on the demands on his time - he may hire a second assistant to work the movie while I work the tv show.

Hasn't figured that part out yet.

In the meantime, I will have two weeks off starting this Friday.

My last time off unti next summer!

I better start planning now.

I guess its now or never.

My boss hasn't come in yet today. Still don't know if he will be in or not today.

I sent him an email with his messages, asking if he needs me to help him with anything today and also asking what my status was after this week as Friday is the last day I'm officially on payroll.

As of three weeks ago, he said he was still deciding what he would do with me after that.

As Friday is quietly looming upon us, I figure now would be a god time to find out.

I wanted to ask him in person, but he wasn't in last Friday, yesterday and so far today.

He wrote me back "Everyone is off payroll on Friday."

Great but what about after that.

Am I coming back for the feature?

Am I coming back for next season on the tv show?

So I wrote him back. "Okay. Is there a return date for me for working with you?"

I'm waiting to hear what the answer will be.

Does this make me look like more or less of a dumbass.

I just realized who that person was who called for my boss.

I called him myself yesterday. He's on the list of potential accountants for the feature. I left him a message to get his resume and check his availability.

So why did he call back for my boss?

And better yet, why can't I get my freaking mind to work better? I'm not so busy that I shouldn't remember these details.

I took the message back from my boss.

Ugh.

I left my cellphone at home this morning. Luckily for me, my sunshine took pity on me and drove to my office to drop it off for me.

My boss called in, his partner hollered out that he wanted to talk to him once I was done. I finished my conversation with him and told his partner he was on line two. He hollered back, okay thanks.

I got another call - from my sunshine to say he found my erstwhile cell phone - and never double checked to make sure the line was picked up.

Apparently my boss was left hanging there indefinately and finally hung up.

Also apparently one of his pet peeves.

He said his partner knows better, but I also should have kept on top of the blinking line on my phone.

Then he got a call and while I normally ask what the call is in regards to, I didn't this time. God knows why - I just didn't.

So now he's upset - understandably so - because he has a message from somone he doesn't know and he got left hanging on the phone for however long.

Its like I can't do this job - the stupid simple tasks - when its so slow. My brain just won't function right. I forget the basic etiquette of being an assistant. This is especially bad as I feel like I'm on probation - waiting for my boss to decide what he's doing with me - these minor fuck-ups might be the make or break for my longevity with this guy.

So why can't I get things right?